Loading...

Question for Chinese guys | Forum

lilykinz Nov 29 '15
Hello, please don't get offended by my question but this is for the Chinese guys to answer please. I think that East Asian guys are really cute! That includes Chinese guys... but my boss is Chinese, and he told me something that I'd like to get some feedback on from you. My boss is in his 50s, he was was born in China and moved to USA as a young man. He advise me that a Chinese guy will date a white girl like me, but never be really serious! When he wants something long-term, he will leave his non-Chinese girl, and even travel to China to find a nice Chinese girl. Is this true, or is this an old-school way of thinking that younger guys don't follow? I don't even know if I want to get married, but I don't want it off the table either, and certainly don't like the idea of being a temporary thing until a guy is ready to settle down.
Share:
lyalex521 Nov 30 '15
I don't agree with your boss. I like the girl, it does not mater about the race. and I am always looking serious relationship. I have a question as well, does white girl don't keep the long-relationship when they are young?
lilykinz Nov 30 '15
Hi, thanks for your reply. My boss seemed to genuinely want to give me advice, so I wasn't really sure what to think of his comments. I asked him why and he just said, that's the way it is. So I was left to wonder if is right or not, if there is something culturally unique to being a Chinese man, maybe a sense of obligation to family or tradition. 


And as for white girls, I think it depends on the girl. Some girls want long-term, even younger girls, but others like to date around and not be serious, especially when they are in college. I think many girls (any race) think that it is better to just have fun for a while, focus on school and then a career, to date but not really be serious, and wait to settle down in a relationship when they get a little older.

Lifetime
frozencdnam Dec 1 '15
It really depends on the age range and cultural modernity upbringing. My dad is more traditional, where my mom is more modern - I was raised with both perspectives, so I err on modern, but understand and can appreciate traditional. Your boss is speaking to traditional.

Most gen-x, gen-y, and millennial moderns won't particularly care, especially if they've been raised in North America.
Iggs Feb 11 '16
I agree & disagree with your boss. I know quite a few couples who started families with their caucasian brides. They are happily married. 


I think if someone was born here, or grew up here, they would be more open to marrying their non-asian wives. You'll find that we still keep with some of our traditions, but we've also assimilated into our respective western societies. 


The chinese male your boss is speaking of was probably born overseas. They're not so quick to integrate and assimilate. They kind of hold onto their old traditions a lot more than someone who has lived here almost their entire life. Their families will often discourage it. They tend to pander to the stereotypes of western society. 

Lifetime
billyjay7878 Feb 11 '16

In response to the OP, I wouldn't go into a potential relationship thinking that it could be sabotaged by perceived seriousness or not. I think your boss was speaking from his own experience and that does not represent Chinese or Chinese-Americans as a whole. Give it a shot and find your cute Chinese boy. If your relationship is solid and you feel that he loves you, no amount of tradition or or lack of assimilation will stand between you two!

nirv78 Mar 20 '16
Traditional Chinese family won't like you. They want Chinese girl for son... No different than old time white family having the same feelings... Things might be changing recently as I've never seen so many amwf dating these days... Must've seen at least 5 couples today
Mkt321 Mar 28 '16
That sounds quite crazy to me. I came to the States when I was 11 (I am 26 now). I was born in Hong Kong.


now, with that being said, I know I am open to date any races that I want. My parents are completely open with who I date. Of course, communication would be nicer for my parents if I date a Chinese, BUT HEY, that's would be my girl, so my parents would not be factor in. 


nirv78 Mar 29 '16
By product of this relationship and I am older than you and born in USA... Chinese don't like me and I'm a weirdo to white people ... It is what it is.
lilykinz Mar 29 '16
thanks to everyone for the replies. It is very nice to hear from you. I think my boss is very sincere, but also very traditional, probably bc of the age difference. I'm happy to hear that most younger people do not feel so restricted! 
johannv Apr 28 '16
lilykinz@ you should have married your boss and make a pretty baby Iam sure he won't leave you

the Chinese men are the most oriented family guys

lilykinz May 14 '16

Quote from johannv lilykinz@ you should have married your boss and make a pretty baby Iam sure he won't leave you

the Chinese men are the most oriented family guys

haha funny. My boss is a tall, good looking, intelligent, stylish man -- but he is also in his mid-50s and ALREADY MARRIED (to a Chinese woman) with a beautiful daughter. I don't think of my boss as anything but my boss and sometimes a friendly adviser on all things Chinese lol.
lilykinz May 14 '16
I haven't logged in for a while. Been very busy. But I will update in case you are interested. I met a Chinese guy and we connected very easily. He is 27, tall, successful, cute, talented, smart. He has only been in the USA a few years and had only dated Chinese girls before. I really like him. He blew up my phone for about a month, day and night messaging me with sweet talk and interest in tiny details of my day. It was lovely. He was very respectful in person, not trying to have a booty call, so he seemed sincerely interested in a relationship. Then *poof* he just disappeared. I sent him one message after not hearing from him for a week. He ignored it. Nothing happened between us. I thought ghosting was an American guy thing but apparently Chinese guys ghost too. Good to know.
findingpluto2015 May 14 '16
I have been talking to a few white girls and apparently, girls now like "ghosting" thing. I guess that's basic way of being polite, telling someone if she's not interested anymore. Maybe I am lucky to avoid them. 
Quote from lilykinz I haven't logged in for a while. Been very busy. But I will update in case you are interested. I met a Chinese guy and we connected very easily. He is 27, tall, successful, cute, talented, smart. He has only been in the USA a few years and had only dated Chinese girls before. I really like him. He blew up my phone for about a month, day and night messaging me with sweet talk and interest in tiny details of my day. It was lovely. He was very respectful in person, not trying to have a booty call, so he seemed sincerely interested in a relationship. Then *poof* he just disappeared. I sent him one message after not hearing from him for a week. He ignored it. Nothing happened between us. I thought ghosting was an American guy thing but apparently Chinese guys ghost too. Good to know.

findingpluto2015 May 14 '16
He's certainly right for some folks. The majority Asian do not go with other races. For those who do, some of them if they are traditional, their parents would not want to have a daughter-in-law to be someone different(does not speak their language, does not understand their culture). But the rest of them would marry whoever they love. 


Do you work with a Chinese owned company? That's kinda odd to ask your boss this question in American culture. Certainly he would love to answer you. I wouldn't ask my white boss about how to find a white girl. 

Quote from lilykinz Hello, please don't get offended by my question but this is for the Chinese guys to answer please. I think that East Asian guys are really cute! That includes Chinese guys... but my boss is Chinese, and he told me something that I'd like to get some feedback on from you. My boss is in his 50s, he was was born in China and moved to USA as a young man. He advise me that a Chinese guy will date a white girl like me, but never be really serious! When he wants something long-term, he will leave his non-Chinese girl, and even travel to China to find a nice Chinese girl. Is this true, or is this an old-school way of thinking that younger guys don't follow? I don't even know if I want to get married, but I don't want it off the table either, and certainly don't like the idea of being a temporary thing until a guy is ready to settle down.


Quote from lilykinz Hello, please don't get offended by my question but this is for the Chinese guys to answer please. I think that East Asian guys are really cute! That includes Chinese guys... but my boss is Chinese, and he told me something that I'd like to get some feedback on from you. My boss is in his 50s, he was was born in China and moved to USA as a young man. He advise me that a Chinese guy will date a white girl like me, but never be really serious! When he wants something long-term, he will leave his non-Chinese girl, and even travel to China to find a nice Chinese girl. Is this true, or is this an old-school way of thinking that younger guys don't follow? I don't even know if I want to get married, but I don't want it off the table either, and certainly don't like the idea of being a temporary thing until a guy is ready to settle down.

lilykinz May 24 '16
Hi findingpluto2015, thanks for your input. I actually didn't ask my boss. He likes to talk about a variety of things with me (he honestly has no 'edit' feature in his speech haha), and somehow one day ended up on the subject of dating. So it isn't like I went into my bosses office and said hey, how about some advice on dating Chinese guys lol.
buckeye May 27 '16
Yea your boss old school.  Old school parents would usually have them stay within race.  Young gen don't care 
ac3115 May 30 '16

ilykinz, I found this post, and eventually this site, when I was searching for AMWF-related topics. 


There has been a tradition that a Chinese guy should marry a Chinese girl. This is not true anymore. Many parents these days are not that stubborn anymore.


It is true that some Chinese guy will go back to China and get married with a Chinese girl there. Some of them were just doing what their parents told them to. On the other hand, many of them would find a Chinese girl right here in the U.S.


I just could't find a Chinese girl that I like here. All I see in the public are already couples. May be I just don't go to Chinese places a lot. I find myself like white girls better because I have been exposed to the American culture here. Even though Chinese is well represented in San Francisco Bay Area, I still see more white girls wherever I go.


I was in Florida for a while and I dated a white girl for a little bit. It started out okay and somehow I got dumped. When I get into a relationship, I wouldn't "ghost" and I take it seriously. 

Heretic76 Jun 2 '16
Hi lilykinz,

interesting topic of conversation. From my perspective, like some on this forum have already said, it's an "old school" vs "new school" mentality. Thus, I doubt it has much to do with "being Chinese" anymore than it has to do with "being Korean", or "being Japanese" as it's more a generational gap than anything else. 


I will say this however, feelings and values DO evolve over time and what my parents traditionally "thought" growing up is very different than what they believe "now". Originally, they were hell bent on my marrying a Chinese or Taiwanese Woman for cultural and linguistic "understanding", but the more girlfriends I brought home, the more they realized that even though most of the women brought home were Asian, they clearly LACKED the cultural and linguistic commonalities they sought. Most spoke Mandarin worse than I did (admittedly, my American Accent is pretty bad) and Chinese New Year was simply another chance to get money for new clothes. In the end, they became "race independent" and only worried about whether the girl fit with me socially and intellectually than anything else.


My Two Cents...  

somtingwong Jun 14 '16
Quote from lilykinz Hello, please don't get offended by my question but this is for the Chinese guys to answer please. I think that East Asian guys are really cute! That includes Chinese guys... but my boss is Chinese, and he told me something that I'd like to get some feedback on from you. My boss is in his 50s, he was was born in China and moved to USA as a young man. He advise me that a Chinese guy will date a white girl like me, but never be really serious! When he wants something long-term, he will leave his non-Chinese girl, and even travel to China to find a nice Chinese girl. Is this true, or is this an old-school way of thinking that younger guys don't follow? I don't even know if I want to get married, but I don't want it off the table either, and certainly don't like the idea of being a temporary thing until a guy is ready to settle down.
Hell no. Your boss simply put is old fashion. That might be something they did back then even so I'm 40 and never really hear stories like that. I'm currently dating a mix Italian/Mexican female and we are serious. I have two cousins both Asian male married their white females and had kids. One of my uncles Chinese also married a white female (my aunt)..lol also most guys who did that were the ones who could not get anyone in their country so they try the homeland thinking with their american success it'll be much easier to get a hotter women with less standards.
Pages: 1 2 »