The Mother | Forum

Hey all,

I've been with my bf for 7 months almost. He's 1st gen Chinese-American. He's also older than me, and has spent the last 15+years taking care of his sick parents. His father passed away a few years ago, so it's just him taking care of his mom. He has sisters, but they all live on opposite sides of the country and want nothing to do with their mom. 

His mother HATES me. I've done a lot of research about the mother-in-law dynamic, and that it's a pretty tough situation, even if you're a chinese girl. But add to the picture that he's the only son, her sole provider, her chauffer, and that I'm white, young, have chosen to work in the non-profit sector and did not go after a financially successful career, and haven't learned Cantonese yet....man. I am just NOT RIGHT. 

Currently, we're on our way to transfering to California for his job. Only, his mother found out I was moving too, and has since drank bleach in front of her son and threatened to kill herself if he chooses me. She's been extreme with his past girlfriends, so he dumped them early when he realized they weren't worth the drama. I'm the only one he's gotten this far with. 

How does one earn the respect and trust of a crazy chinese mother??? (lol shes only crazy because shes crazy, not just because shes chinese). 

I bring her nice fruit baskets and gifts when I visit, I try to be as nice as possible, but she refuses to like me.

Any advice?? Tips??? It's super hard on my boyfriend to be in the middle. 

Is it always like this??

asianocguy Jul 6
That is the most unfortunate thing I've heard and a horrible position to be in. There is no way to rationalize with that lady or make her happy. She is selfish and can't be happy that her son is happy. I've never been in that situation or know of anyone in that situation. There appears to be no solution only to endure the craziness and hope she comes to her senses. Your BF will have to do some convincing and hopefully open her eyes to show how happy he is with you and that is all that should matter. Good luck.